chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
