Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
