Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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