Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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