There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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