Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
