You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Boobs speak an international language.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
