I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize