I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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