Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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