these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
