I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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