We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
