I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
