God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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