That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
