I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
