Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
