Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
