Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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