woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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