I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
