alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
