who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
is wine microwaveable?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
