I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
