Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
