Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
