Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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