my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
