So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
