I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
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The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
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I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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