dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
