I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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