My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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