Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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