Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
