you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
