Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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