you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Houston, we have a squirter
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Couch. On fire.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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