he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
