dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
