bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
