Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
