I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
