she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
