New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
nutella sex= disaster
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
