I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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