i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
