That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
