Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
