dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
