I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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