I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Your penis caused this!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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