you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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