I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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