what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
