I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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