Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
