she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
