so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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