i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
