I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
