we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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