There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
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I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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