Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
