Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
