Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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