Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
